Do You Pray Big Enough?

Moving into a new direction with my blog...might even change the name. Historically it has been used to update on Tim's medical status during his last two surgeries..laying out my encounters with a faithful God. The miracles that took place were huge. But what about when we are not in crisis? What happens when the dust settles? Well, welcome to my new direction. Taking hold of my newfound strength and using this page as the beginning of what I have asked God to allow me to be. His disciple. I am preparing to do just that. Speaking, writing, and reaching out to those who are too weak and broken to pick themselves up. Please pray with me as I begin to pursue what I have always wanted to do.

Last week I chauferred my mom, aunt and grandmother to see an evangelist named Perry Stone. He is well known and I was happy to get to take my family to hear him. Little did I (we) know that we were embarking on a Church of God Camp meeting. If you don't know what that is, I will have to explain another time! It was so awesome! The message was one of truth and greatness...however...there was one part that stood out to me. I am a huge prayer warrior. I have spent much time in the Bible learning how to pray and much time in silence learning how to hear God speak to me. I have had two true, real, personal encounters with the Holy Spirit. I will share them with you sometime...but not today. It occurred to me during his message that as hard as I pray, I still put limits on God. I pray open-ended. I pray with hope rather than expectation. I pray casually and not with awe of coming before a mighty and powerful God. Why should He answer anything I pray for? Why should He not be insulted? It's because He knows I am a work in progress. He is so proud of how far I have come that He knows there will always be a next level for me. This is my next level.

So, I gave it a try. Almost an hour in prayer. In silence. Arms lifted high. Praying for so many that have asked me to, and others who would surely have a stroke if they knew not only that I was praying for them, but what it was I was praying for. I saved me til last. And then I begged, I claimed, I believed, I trusted, I expected that what I asked for would be done with His blessing and my hard work. The following morning....just the opposite of what I asked for happened.

I was angry, sad, and all other negative things combined. I felt surely Satan was attacking me. I turned to people I thought would say what I wanted to hear. And I was, of course, disappointed when they provided no comfort at all. My questions resonated to God. Was it Satan? Was it God telling me no? So, I spent some time in the Word, and this was the end result:

When you are making a decision, look at the following:
1) Will the course considered lead a fellow Christian to sin by your example? (1 Cor 8:13)
2) Will the action provide strength and encouragement to your own life? (1 Cor 6:12, 10:23)
3) Will the action ultimately glorify God? (1 Cor 10:31)

I had originally turned to my husband for support. Since the last surgery, I have to choose the times I seek his guidance carefully because of the medication he is still on. I chose the wrong time, and became resentful. I waited until I had his full attention, and no television or other distractions. And he said exactly what I needed him to. The same words I had been preaching to him for years as he pursued his dream. " Sometimes God says yes, sometimes God says no, and sometimes God says -not yet." It all sank in. This decision is for the good of my family, and it will set me up for preparing for success to do His work later on. Just not yet...not in the way I wanted.

God's Timing is Perfect

I have learned over the past few years that no matter what is going on in my life, God is always waiting on the other side. When I am worried and try to fix things myself I end up in a total tailspin. What I came up with earlier this year when faced with some tough stressers in my life some might call denial. Call it what you want...I basically just checked out. Checked out of social networking, checked out of being involved with friends, checked out of everything but breathing in and breathing out. Doing whatever I could to function as a parent and work. Trying to be strong enough in our marriage for the both of us. I basically got sick of being sick and tired from all of the worry. What I did not do what stop serving the Lord. And on the other side of things...he was there with a big smile. It taught me so many lessons. That I can surely and faithfully lay my burdens down. I refuse to worry. It wastes my valuable time. Does that mean I am not concerned or fearful in a tight situation? No...I just have to pray harder. But I suppose I can refer to it in a new terminology....denial by faith. Because of my faith I will deny myself the turmoil that is associated with worry. God always has me in His arms and at my darkest moments he is the only thing that can give me the peace I need. He speaks to me...when I am willing to hear Him. This is just one of the ways I know..

Several weeks ago I was at one of my lowest points of the journey at Shepherd Center. It was the first time I had been able to physically attend church in weeks because of being on call for work and being in Atlanta with Tim. It was for the Christmas service at NewSpring. Before I even entered the building I was met with hugs and love from so many, however our youth pastor, Brad, embraced me and told me as he kept up with my email updates and blog posts God really layed Ephesians 3 on his heart for me. It was so sweet...and I thought to myself, "I need to read that when I get home." After the service I had several people offer to pray with me. As they did, from two seperate people the words "Ephesians 3" left their mouths. They never knew, of course, that it had already been spoken to me once that evening. Of course as soon as I got home I dove right in. It was amazing. It filled me with such peace to read of the mystery that surrounds a God who is capable of things beyond our wildest imagination.

I arrived in Atlanta later that week. I read the scripture over and over to my husband strung out on so much medication and dozing from exhaustion. I read it from three different translations. I filled him with it. He paid me no attention. The next morning with a little more life in him, he asked that I read it again. As I did he tried desperately to break it down sentence by sentence. My husband, the Bible genius, was asking me to explain what it was I saw in that chapter. I told him in every way I knew how. The next week, I had been home again and returned to his side for a four day period. He had asked me for a particular page -a-day calendar for Christmas that I got for him and he asked me to read it for him. I took it out of the box, and on the cover was the following:
God knows how to multiply your influence, multiply your strength, multiply your talent, and your income. All you have to do is believe. If you will release your faith for a supernatural year-get up each day expecting God's far and beyond favor, then you will see God show up and do amazing things in your life.
"Now all the glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask of Him. Glory to Him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen" Ephesians 3:20

Yes. I laughed.

This past Sunday was our first Sunday in church together in almost three months due to his health issues. I was on call for work so I had to watch from the outside atrium in case I received a call. It was an amazing message. And then...the following scripture reference was made...Ephesians 3:20.

Yes. I laughed.

I know God has got this. As He has everything. What I do know is that my sole purpose in life is to serve my God, to blog, tweet, post, pray, speak to masses, write and whatever else I can do to tell everyone I can how to get to the place that God wants them to be. God wants so much for your life. Don't waste another second. He is always at work within us.

Our Little Prayer Warrior

Well, the past ten days have drug on and on since I left Atlanta. I kept busy with work and preparing for Christmas. I have been able to speak with Tim almost daily and perhaps saved myself from posting a lot of gloom and doom over the holidays because his frame of mind was not the usual positive mindset. Medically speaking from what I am told his incision is healing nicely. Two of the three drains have been removed, with the third one coming out on Friday. Staples are scheduled to come out over the weekend, and I believe as of today he can spend 2 hours at a time on his back a couple of times a day. Being face down has taken its toll on him because it is very uncomfortable and painful for him, so that has definately impacted his overall mood.

Two nights ago, God woke me at about midnight and kept me up until about five a.m. At first I became afraid and grabbed my phone expecting a call from the hospital, but after two hours passed with me in prayer and deep thought, a peace came over me and I realized He was trying to speak to me but I was not listening. Over the following three hours God encouraged me and gave me the words I have been searching for to encourage Tim. I honestly have not been able to speak words to him that he can process enough to give him any peace. That night when he called me, I was able to repeat everything God laid on my heart and I could tell he was very receptive to it. This morning he called, and his frame of mind was wonderful. He slept well lastnight, and had a song in his voice that I have not heard in a couple of months. We are both looking forward to our time together beginning Saturday.

Lastnight Landon and I had to run into Lifeway Christian bookstore after I picked him up in the evening. We took our time and that phone call from Tim came just as I got ready to check out so I let Landon speak with him for a while. As I finished up, I looked over and saw the phone wedged in between his cheek and shoulder trying to balance it and he had a pencil writing on a small sheet of paper with a look of intensity on his face. At first I thought Tim was telling him to write something but as he handed the phone to me he continued to write. I watched as he read what he had written and crammed it into a small plexiglass box mounted on the end of one of the aisles. Curious, I strolled over (making sure he had not signed me up for anything crazy)and his small sheet of paper sat alone in the box. I saw a label above it that read, "Prayer Requests." The words printed so neatly in my boy's handwriting said,"Please pray for my daddy. He had sergery and is in the hopspital."
I thanked God right then for such amazing children...and for the amazing spiritual leader that Tim is as their father and my husband. I wish everyone could hear Landon's prayers at night and each morning before he gets out of the van or on the bus. (He will not leave for school or go to sleep until someone prays for him.) He prays for so many...his teacher stricken with Cancer this year, his karate instructor with Leukemia who has had two bone marrow transplants this year, Eminem..that he will change his ways because he just knows he is a good person inside, and for each person that comes to mind. The only thing he asks for is forgiveness for his sins and that he will not have bad dreams. lol

Wishing you all the greatest holiday ever this year as we continue to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ every day, and not just Christmas day. Merry Christmas from The Evatt family.
Rhonda

When You Least Expect It.....Expect It

We have had a decent weekend. I have not been able to stay at night and that seems to be the time when Tim needs me the most. He sleeps face down (called proning) and because of the wires that were used in his initial injury to fuse his spinal cord together, his head doesn't turn to the side very easily. By the time I am here his face is swollen, he is exausted and my heart breaks. He is tough...no doubt. He simply says, "Darling, I gotta do what I gotta do." He is my hero.

Yesterday morning I decided to do damage control from my initial 72 hours as an exhausted, terrified, detail oriented (where Tim's care is concerned), wife with 20 years of healthcare experience. I am sure you can all imagine. We had to iron some things out in the first two days that gave me a very familiar name at shift report...lol. SOOOOOO-I know the way to the nurses hearts...I stopped at Publix to bring donuts and Christmas cookies as a peace offering. It worked ;) It was there, in the checkout line that I met Mobwan. Yes..Mobwan.

Sleepy eyed I checked out as the middle eastern man in his mid thirties bagged my items, and with a heavy accent said, "How are ju today, Ma'am? You look berry tired." I smiled and thanked him for asking and validated his observation with the purpose for my stay here. He showed me true concern, and proceded to tell me of his brother who several years earlier had a fall in the yard, was cleared with a clean bill of health, and two weeks later woke up completely paralyzed and died. Wow. How do you respond to that? I gave him my compassion as best I could and listened. And then...the words I never (for some reason) expected to hear. His voice radiated and drew the attention from the people in lines all around. His managers even stood with jaws dropped. He looked me in the eye and said in a happy boistrous voice, "Ju tell your husband dat God is da fadda! (you tell your husband that God is the father). He had his life planned out before he was ever born! God is our daddy, He makes no mistakes! If your husband was blind and not paralyzed, he could not see his beautiful wife and childrens! He could not see all of da beauty around heem! Ju tell your husband...God has a purpose for him here...and he has one for you too!"

Um. Yeah. I wish I could do his five minute message from God justice, but there is no way. Donut run turned evangelism outreach in the checkout isle at Publix with the Middle Eastern man bringin da word! Smile pasted on my face, I hugged him and thanked him. Thank God for the boldness of Mobwan. Reminding me to be so bold for God's love for us.

And so another encounter to draw me closer to Him.

Day Four

Nobody here recognized me this morning when I appeared in normal clothes, clean hair and a touch of makeup on. We were blessed to meet a couple when we were here earlier in the year that unfortunately have been dealing with the same type of issues as us. A precious couple, Tracey and I have become good friends, although they reside in Tennessee. They also have a place close to this hospital that they graciously offered to let me use once I could no longer stay in the room with Tim. Lastnight brought me an amazing night of solitude and sleep. Sam will be returning in January for more surgery...we will be here until late January at least, so we will be able to be with each other.

Mr. J arrived yesterday...Tim's new roommate. Same level of injury and also a skin flap. I was in my vulnerable human form yesterday and began dreading it pretty early on. TV blaring, phone ringing constantly, call light every 90 seconds...I was already thinking the worst. I left lastnight in tears having to leave him facedown in obvious pain. Unable to move, sad to see me go...it was the first time I have ever had to see him like that and it killed me. When I returned this morning he was back on his side and looking better than when I left him. Mr. J had no water and was calling for some. Who am I...able bodied...to make him wait for the nurse? I took his cup for some water and gave him a drink. His aged, dark eyes met mine and the smile that appeared was precious. His words of thanks...real thanks...not fake thanks...reminded me that God has a job here that only Tim and I can do. I repented for the selfishness that filled me the day before. And as we talked, I learned of his injury only one year ago, his many years as a minister prior to that, an elderly black man that praises God despite his circumstances. He filled me with joy. But just when I thought I could not be humbled enough, his daughter and grandson entered the room pushing his wife who is completely blind. She stood next to her beloved husband, staring in the darkness, with both hands stroking his face as they both smiled at one another.

That is how it is here. Aside from dodging a wheelchair every fifteen feet or so...there is a connection here. As you walk past people in the hallway, you know who is here with family. Our faces are all the same. Our eyes meet with an unspoken embrace. It could always be worse.

Worse like the man I met telling me of his wife stricken with Guillan Barre syndrome from a flu shot just 6 short weeks ago. She is completely paralyzed and on a ventilator with a trach. They have a 4 month old and a 2 year old and no family. Or the cries and screams from the room next to us early in the morning of the family who lost their husband and father in the wee hours and had to be told when they arrived. Who am I to complain? Who am I to have self pity? I am the daughter of royalty...my father is the King of Kings. I have my health, my husband, my children, my family, a home, a job...the list goes on and on. Tim may not have the use of his body from the chest down, but his heart and love for Jesus, me and our family surpases any yardwork that does not get done because he is in a wheelchair. I hope you all take a step back this holiday...and every day...be thankful, and serve our Mighty God.

Day 2...again

This past September when we began to notice a place in the ischial area of Tim's backside, we never imagined that for the second time this year we would be facing this massive surgery again. After all...we have dealt with skin issues in the past and were able to heal them up pretty easily. It began going south very quickly, despite our best efforts...Tim stayin in bed, eating well, etc. Within a matter of six weeks we were told surgery again, but the earliest date would be in February. That was all well and good as long as he could tolerate it. But about a week and a half ago I began to notice subtle differences and shortly afterwards so did a number of other people.

We were blessed to be admitted as soon as we were. The fear was sepsis...or that the infection had gotten into the blood stream. They were very aggressive when we were admitted to ICU lastnight, and he went into surgery around 730 this morning. The last skin flap took two and a half hours. Today, four hours went by....then four and a half...and I got very scared. Bad feelings swept over me. I am not ready to lose him...and I begged God not to take him yet.

I stood at the window of his room overlooking the Atlanta skyline. Outide of it stand two very tall trees, barren with leaves dropping to the ground every few seconds. As I looked all around, I took particular notice that there were not any birds....anywhere. I looked all over, across the street, down the road, in other trees...none to be found. So I asked God as I prayed...and paniced.."God, if he is okay, please land a bird on the tree to the left. Only one. Only on the left. I stared...I prayed...I begged...for thirty straight minutes. We were now five hours with no word from the surgeon.

I began to accept not that God was not there, but that it was His answer. Not that He could not bring Tim through, but that it was not His plan. And as I wiped the first tear away, a huge, bright yellow bird perched on the limb right across from me. Looking straight my way....and within seconds the surgeons footsteps entered the room.

The operation was difficult. He was barely able to close the incisions with the lack of tissue. The infection was as large as a canteloupe. Those are all his words. Tim needed two blood transfusions. That is very uncommon for him. He should do fine, however this recovery will take some time. His spirits are very low. That breaks my heart...but I suppose after all he has been through he is due to have a bad day. I will keep you all up to date.
God is still God.
Rhonda

I'm Back!

One of the many things I have put on the backburner for entirely too long has been this blog! Maybe it's been that life has had me strapped, perhaps God has been reconditioning me to work more diligently for His kingdom, maybe it's because we finally got high speed internet way out in the sticks...but for whatever reason, two of my favorite quotes of all time popped up yesterday that reminded me exactly what I have not been doing...and that is spending time with God the way I am supposed to, and feverently serving Him.

The first quote is, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in the Lord, that a man must seek Him first in order to find her." The other is, "Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says,"Oh, crap...she's up!"

Eight months ago those were both referring to me....since then, I just believe that it's everyone in my house that says "Oh, crap....she's up!" Needless to say, it's been quite the year, but my marriage is stronger than ever, we are learning to deal with things regarding Tim's health that will just be a way of life for us now, rather than a medical emergency. We know that is not ideal, however we are proud to worship at an amazing church, embrace our health, careers and family, and live life to the absolute fullest. Which has brought me back to the fact that I have been a total slacker when spending time with God. I am so looking forward to beginning a home group in our home that I will be teaching every other week that will give me some accountability to get back in the Word. Praying for others and their marriages and damaged relationships on a daily basis. How can I pray for you?