Moving into a new direction with my blog...might even change the name. Historically it has been used to update on Tim's medical status during his last two surgeries..laying out my encounters with a faithful God. The miracles that took place were huge. But what about when we are not in crisis? What happens when the dust settles? Well, welcome to my new direction. Taking hold of my newfound strength and using this page as the beginning of what I have asked God to allow me to be. His disciple. I am preparing to do just that. Speaking, writing, and reaching out to those who are too weak and broken to pick themselves up. Please pray with me as I begin to pursue what I have always wanted to do.
Last week I chauferred my mom, aunt and grandmother to see an evangelist named Perry Stone. He is well known and I was happy to get to take my family to hear him. Little did I (we) know that we were embarking on a Church of God Camp meeting. If you don't know what that is, I will have to explain another time! It was so awesome! The message was one of truth and greatness...however...there was one part that stood out to me. I am a huge prayer warrior. I have spent much time in the Bible learning how to pray and much time in silence learning how to hear God speak to me. I have had two true, real, personal encounters with the Holy Spirit. I will share them with you sometime...but not today. It occurred to me during his message that as hard as I pray, I still put limits on God. I pray open-ended. I pray with hope rather than expectation. I pray casually and not with awe of coming before a mighty and powerful God. Why should He answer anything I pray for? Why should He not be insulted? It's because He knows I am a work in progress. He is so proud of how far I have come that He knows there will always be a next level for me. This is my next level.
So, I gave it a try. Almost an hour in prayer. In silence. Arms lifted high. Praying for so many that have asked me to, and others who would surely have a stroke if they knew not only that I was praying for them, but what it was I was praying for. I saved me til last. And then I begged, I claimed, I believed, I trusted, I expected that what I asked for would be done with His blessing and my hard work. The following morning....just the opposite of what I asked for happened.
I was angry, sad, and all other negative things combined. I felt surely Satan was attacking me. I turned to people I thought would say what I wanted to hear. And I was, of course, disappointed when they provided no comfort at all. My questions resonated to God. Was it Satan? Was it God telling me no? So, I spent some time in the Word, and this was the end result:
When you are making a decision, look at the following:
1) Will the course considered lead a fellow Christian to sin by your example? (1 Cor 8:13)
2) Will the action provide strength and encouragement to your own life? (1 Cor 6:12, 10:23)
3) Will the action ultimately glorify God? (1 Cor 10:31)
I had originally turned to my husband for support. Since the last surgery, I have to choose the times I seek his guidance carefully because of the medication he is still on. I chose the wrong time, and became resentful. I waited until I had his full attention, and no television or other distractions. And he said exactly what I needed him to. The same words I had been preaching to him for years as he pursued his dream. " Sometimes God says yes, sometimes God says no, and sometimes God says -not yet." It all sank in. This decision is for the good of my family, and it will set me up for preparing for success to do His work later on. Just not yet...not in the way I wanted.